Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
