im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
