porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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