Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
