I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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