After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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