Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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