no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
