Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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