stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
