i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
