Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
