I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
