If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
