I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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