things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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