If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
