I hate all girls vehemently.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
