Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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