We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
