There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
