I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
