this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
