i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
