We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
