I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
