I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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