I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize