Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
4 words: hood of his car
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize