No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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