the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
