Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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