We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
