Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
