I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize