Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
