i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
