I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
