I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
