This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
