Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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