u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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