How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
