I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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