I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
