I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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