she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I stole a fireplace last night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
