Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
