he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
