Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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