I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
