that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
