i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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