He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
