The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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