Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
