i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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