theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
