Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
