i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
