Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We smell like vodka and hangover
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