It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
