guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
