Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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