I will die if light touches me.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
