East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You need a sexual gate keeper
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need to calm my uterus...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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