if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
