I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
