dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
