Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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